CGS and my language

HIIII. oh lord that was a bit agressive sorry… anyways how has everyones week been? okay? thats good. not so good? oh im sorry, only a few more days till the weekend! um so general update i have finals in a few weeks so kill me now. umm but that does mean that school is almost over which is a very good thing. I think there is only maybe one or two blog posts left in this school year :(. what ill probably do is just kinda go to tumblr cause i find that to be a bit easier and more “acceptable”. (also none of my friends can find me there unless i give them my username) The next few blogs will probably be summer plans and like friend stuff cause i have been appreciating my friends more. Today however is CGS and Chinese (my language)

(please dont judge me for A) my looks B) my voice or C) anything else i take that to the heart)

 

Aesthetics!?!?!? (and a general update)

WHAt In HeCKIN DaRn iS AesTheTics?!?!

Hi everybody! Hows life? Not so great? Aw im so sorry 😦 . Its going okay? Thats really good and i hope it will get better in the coming weeks. Its been great? Thats lovely i hope it stays the same. Anyways uhh so i KInDa stole this idea from a friend (you should totally check her out ill put her at the bottom) but ya aesthetics amiright? They are confusing, some may be conflicting, and some may not even know what an aesthetic is. I shall explain it very terribly.

Ok so the ACTUAL definition of aesthetic is~giving or designed to give pleasure through beauty; of pleasing appearance.

MY defintion of aesthetic is~something that one or more individuals enjoys and finds pleasing or pretty. Practically the same thing idk why i decided to do two. Anyways so there are a lot of aesthetics. Pastel, Dark, Maroon, Green, any colour, flower, symetrical. The list goes on and on. Then there are some weird ones. One of which is a blood aesthetic. Now the biggest thing about aesthetic is many people dont know what their one is. It is really up to personal opinion but the best way to tell is like “oh what is my favorite colour?” then go search (colour) aesthetic. So mine would be maroon or dark green aesthetic. As you do that you may find pictures that lead you to different aesthetics like (idk what this is actually called) blurred light aesthetic. Or youll find pastel aesthetic or dark aesthetic or marble aesthetic i dont know youll find something.

OK so this needs to be longer so ima do some update? kinda things?

OK soooo uh life has actually been okay recently. I have sorted out my life in a sense. I dont really think this is due to me actually getting better but rather my family is about to move so the house always has to be clean. Now i dont think im “better” cause its clean but rather cause i have a routine i have to stick to meaning that i have more control in my life. Uhhh i gave an old friend a second chance which hopefully wont end in bad things. I got a boyfriend and now we are both kinda getting crap for but he makes me happy so idrc. Ya thats pretty much my life biiii!!!!!!!

Here is my favorite aesthetic picture.

Therapy

Ok so this is a small rant and also kinda just something to help my frens

I HATE therapy. I think it is bs that i have to go talk to someone about issues i cant even sort out in my head myself. This may be because i’m an introvert or maybe i’m just broken i don’t know. Anyways its annoying to me. Of course my extroverted dad thinks that everyone is helped by therapy. Ive been going to a therapist for about 6 months now and i’m still the same. quite honestly i’m worse then before. This is probably because i never wanted help really in the first place. I wanted to go to therapy but i just wanted to try it and be able to leave whenever i want. Of course then my dad just thought i was super sad all the time and not all the other stuff that went with it. Now flash forward and i’m begging my dad to let me leave. EVEN MY OWN DAMN THERAPIST SAID THAT THERAPY DOESN’T WORK FOR ME* This will come in handy in like literally two seconds* MY FATHER THEN TELLS ME HE IS GOING TO SEND ME TO ANOTHER TYPE OF THERAPY BECAUSE HE JUST THINKS MY THERAPIST IS DUMB. my therapist is actually quite lovely and she even recommended something else that would help me. Go to a weekly sit down group where you can talk but it doesn’t have to be about your problems. AND MY LOVELY FATHER COMPLETELY IGNORES THIS. DOESN’T EVEN LOOK INTO THE DAMN THING AND TELLS ME IM NOT GOING. anyways ima tell you some of the things i do instead of therapy that seem to help a bit. (i am in no way a health professional and i kinda only do like one of the things on this list)

• get a little notebook. you can either carry it everywhere you go or just write in it when you need to blow off some steam. you can also use the notes in your phone but that has more risk of being seen by a parent or friend. Now just write your thoughts. and no it never has to be like a journal. i commonly write what i would write if i were to commit suicide. It just helps you put the thoughts somewhere other than your brain.
• SELF CARE. self care is so important and not alot of people do it. Their brains say “you dont deserve to bake a cake” maybe you will say your too fat or something. Maybe you say ” i will slack if i take a 30 minute bubble bath and calm down.” This is complete bs. Baking a cake will not make you much fatter unless you literally have the slowest metabolism in the world or do not move ever. You also dont have to bake or anything. Make yourself a healthy meal or go get some of your favorite ice cream and watch some netflix. Now there is a difference. When you are depressed (sorry this is kinda what im basing most of this on) you just want to stay in bed and sleep and forget the world. THIS IS NOT SELF CARE. this is very bad for you in all honesty. If you do not have the energy to get up ask someone to put wet wipes, deoderent, your favorite perfume, some toothpaste water and a cup, lotion next to your bed or couch or whatever your on. This way you dont really have to get up but you can make yourself smell better and feel better in the long run.

 

Okkk well this got longer than expected. oops sorry. welp thats what i do  hope you enjoyed it boo bye.

Self-Harm

*Trigger warning* 

Hey. So this is an extremely touchy subject. And something i can relate to greatly. If you do not know what self-harm is it is really just hurting yourself and “enjoying” the pain. That is a terrible description but hopefully by the end of this you understand it more.

Self-harm can include many things. Cutting, burning, biting, scratching, hitting yourself, stabbing yourself; those are just a few. The most popular is cutting and its the only one i have experience in. These are done on the wrists most likely. If not its done on the hips or the thighs. Some people will say that they could only do their wrists; if they did it anywhere else it felt like they were betraying something. Others started on their wrists but unfortunately they “ran out of space” and moved to other places. Some people wanted to do their wrists but didn’t want to wear long sleeves all the time and also didn’t want to have to hide their wrist from everyone. Its really different for everyone.

The problem with self-harming. It IS an addiction. That sounds bad but its just like cigarettes and alcohol. Addicting and takes over most of your life. Some people (the tumblr ones) say that everyone needs something to take away the pain; be that sex, drugs, alcohol, or self harm. That is really not true in most cases but in some cases it is.

Another problem with self harming. Once someone finds out you get quite a lot of attention. If your in school you have weekly visits with a guidance counselor, your teachers may treat you differently, and most of all; students WILL think you are weird. Now you may not think this is true and in a few cases its not. The only experience i have are me and my friends. For me i had people literally come up to me and say you have no reason for that your life is perfect. I will say one day why that isn’t true but that greatly pissed me off. My friends were exiled and treated like the weird kid. One thing that comes with self harming. The attention seekers. I hate saying that but it is true. I was one. I had underlying reasons but in the beginning they weren’t big enough to self-harm. I know someone currently who does this. Its so stupid that someone would put themselves through pain they didn’t even want just for some lousy people thinking that you are weird and terrible. And most people who start then realize that they cant stop no matter how hard they try.

The last thing i will say about self-harm. WHEN SOMEONE SELF HARMS THEY ARE IN SOME WAY DEPRESSED. No matter if they live in a mansion and get whatever they want. With depression usually comes loss of will to live or thoughts about suicide. I will probably go more in depth about this but my blog is much longer than i’m required and i would rather get this done so i could finish something else. I will leave you with this. You ARE worth it. Don’t ever let someone make you think that you aren’t.

(as my viewers seem to be from the US) here are some hotlines in the US:

US Suicide Hotline

1-800-784-2433

NDMDA Depression Hotline – Support Group

800-826-3632

I know you all can make it. Just one more day. Tell yourself that.

LITTLE NOTE

I mean no harm in this whatsoever. This is a topic i will come back to as I have a decent amount of experience in it. If you need to talk i can give you my instagram or snapchat

(insta) Trashemoperson

(snap) Ky.jamieson

I would prefer you contact me on instagram as i would know who you are instead of you just being a creepy stalker. sozz gotta make sure i’m safeish (i’m talking like a celebrity lord help me)

welp boo bye:)

Body

Why you should’nt hate your body

heyyyyy. Hows everyones life going? good aw well thats wonderful; bad awe i’m sorry it’ll get better. Ok today i’m dealing with a really prominent subject in society right now. Body positivity and body dysmorphia. Now i personally am a really tiny person. Im about 5’2 and about 80-90 pounds.most would see that and think i have an eating disorder but no i’m just naturally skinny. Yet i still have problems with body dysmorphia. Now something i wanna say to the people that are naturally skinny and still struggle loving themselves; yes you are being slightly stupid, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t have valid reasons for thinking this way. I think i’m not “pretty” enough because my friends from middle school would always tell me i’m really ugly while they were the prettiest humans on earth. This sucked. I don’t have any confidence in myself and my body. There is also some times where a skinny person will suddenly gain a ton of weight. Even if you may still be skinny its worrying to these people because this is not how they usually look. So just don’t hate on naturally skinny people for saying they are “fat” they don’t mean fat they mean bigger than they normally are. If they don’t then they are probably dealing with our next thing. Eating disorders. The main one is anorexia. Anorexia is when you purposely starve yourself or obsess over your weight. The second most common is bulimia. bulimia is when you binge eat and then throw it all up or exercise a lot. These are extremely serious and can shorten your life in extreme cases. Most of the time no one will notice until the person is on the verge to dying or very far along in the process. The worst part is people with eating disorders like having them finding a need for control in their life. Ok sad depressing stuff over and done with. However i want some people who may be un happy with the way you look, remember the body distributes fat in different ways.unless you are bigger and eat complete crap and sit on your butt all day your body is probably just putting your fat in places that make you look bigger when you are still a healthy weight.

Ok so if you don’t wanna don’t but…

you can always comment and just put in the comment you don’t want it public or something idk. Ill talk to you if you find a way to talk 🙂

if you need help here are some sites that can help

Eating Disorder Treatment and Recovery

http://www.waldeneatingdisorders.com/eating-disorder-treatment/?gclid=CjwKEAiA_9nFBRCsurz7y_Px8xoSJAAUqvKCQNfeDdEF7JKOqHKy6QZ-dKcd2hx0kYTgwss7YQWgDxoC7Dvw_wcB

sorry if they aren’t that good but they might be able to help 🙂

ENJOY THIS DOG ITS ADORABLE AND WILL GIVE YOU HAPPINESS UNTIL NEXT TIME

Peircings, Colourful hair and relationships

I talk about hair dye super bowl(for a second) piercings and boys+ friends!

 

 

HEYYYYYY. i need to calm down i had too much coffee this morning. ANywaY how was everyones weekend? Here is a happy reaction: Oh you had a great weekend how lovely i hope all your weekends are like this. Here is a sad reaction: Awww i’m so sorry but it will get better i promise. OK formalities aside i dyed my hair this weekend! and now everything is blue and pink and purple and just ugh! Its really pretty and i love it but i cant wash it until Friday which sucks and when i do wash it i have to take a cold shower and i’m just not looking forward to that. SoooOO my friend did it and it was fun because we made a huge mess and just laughed and sang our favorite songs. Then after she came to a super bowl party with me (that we didn’t even pay attention to because i’m a girly girl to the core) We ended up leaving about two hours early and just listened to music and had a great time with each other.

Now we are on to piercings. I don’t want any crazy piercings just my seconds and maybe a septum or nose ring. Of course my father would never in a million years allow me to get a nose ring but a girl can dream. So i know a few people with all of these. gages nose rings everything and…… They really pull it off.

Okay! hows everyone doing so far i know this a whirlwind of topics but this is the last one i promise.

Relationships…. We all have one but that doesn’t mean that it has to be with a guy or a girl ( or both if your into that) you have family relationships friend relationships and animal relationships. I am someone who is currently in a relationship yes. That person knows who they are and knows that i hold a special place for them in my heart and brain. But relationships are tricky. They make you cry, hurt, ache everything and though you have someone who likes (or loves ) every part of you, They aren’t always fun. I have a friend who’s boyfriend makes her cry once a week. I have a friend who’s boyfriend ignored her for a good week with the excuse “midterms”. All you have to remember is what happens happens and it probably happens for a reason. Then there are friendships. I have a lot of friends. But i don’t have friends i either have like people i’m okay talking to but not opening up to and people who literally know the last time i used the bathroom. TMI i know. But anyway friends are great, Sometimes. At least for someone who has anxiety its sometimes. I always think my friends don’t like me and they are just faking a friendship with me which sucks if i’m gonna be honest.

OK i gotta go study for Chinese or i might fail so BYE BYE see ya later!

that is kinda what my hair looks like.

that’s the piercing i kinda want.

Depression anxiety and everything in between

I really don’t want to write about this, but its all i could come up with so here goes nothing.

Depression is a monster. It consumes your thoughts, actions, your life. Depression is something that in this current time is really prominent. With saying this though comes the fact that not everyones depression is super bad. Sometimes its trauma induced, which is what i had when my depression first started. That story’s for another day however. Some depression comes from difficult home life or other mental illnesses. I will be the one to say that no matter how small, if you think you have depression, then i will believe you. However i have seen many people lie about having depression for attention and that is not forgivable. See then there are the people who self harm for attention. I know some people that did that. Its really stupid because when you do it for attention everyone is feeling sorry for you and trying to help you but when you are struggling to stay alive on a day to day basis your a freak…

Anxiety is something that for me came with my depression. It is common to have anxiety and depression but not certain. Most people have anxiety and then get depression because of their anxiety. Anxiety can be better or worse than depression. On one hand anxiety will only come when you are under extreme stress or just not in the right place. On the other hand anxiety is just always there lurking, waiting for you to do something stupid. An example is when you need to talk to people or are put into a situation with a lot of people. Your brain tells you to talk to people or they will think your weird but then you remember that if you try and talk with people it will just be awkward and then you worry that people will still think your weird.

Anyway ya thats a little rant on some mental illnesses. I highly recommend watching “explaining my depression to my mother” its slam poetry and just describes everything really well.

Anyway enjoy this photo of a husky.

MIDTERMS???? Oh and basic rants and stuff???

 

This is super late. OK so last week we had midterms. surprise surprise there. OK well if you are not in high school yet we have midterms and finals. Midterms come halfway through the year. Most schools have it before winter break so you know you can have a break. Instead McMahon makes our midterms a week or so after winter break. SO pretty much it was stress your butts off during winter break and then get it over with and then go straight back to school. Now you can understand that this makes me angry. Anyway midterms are over now i got mainly B’s except for one perfect 100 and a D in a class i could care less about.

New rant. more or less this is about bands and stuff. So on the 18th of January i went to a twenty one pilots concert. I almost cried blah blah blah it was great. now it also happened to be my brothers birthday so my dads fiance and daughter came as well. my step sister is adorable and sweet and i love her, but i do not think she should have come to this concert because she only knew some of their most popular songs. This got me thinking and there are some things that piss me off. (this might offend some people sorry)

1. When someone is a fan

ok so lets say im a fan of panic! at the disco(i am) when i first started listening my favorite song was very popular. I told my friend and she said oh so your a basic fan. NO ITS POPULAR FOR A REASON ITS GOOD. like jeez sorry for liking popular stuff….

2. when someone has just started listening

i just started listening to bands like falling in reverse pierce the veil etc. I always feel bad though because i feel like such a fake fan because i only like 1 or 2 songs. Now sometimes i agree with this. Mostly when someone is listening to 1-2 songs with no intent on listening to more. That ticks me off.

There is more but they are small and insignificant. Anyways enjoy this picture of a shiba inu:)

 

 

Relationships

Ok so this is literally a rant because i like my life is not exactly going too well and talking about it without having to tell my dad really helps. Ok so i had a boyfriend….. OR SOMETHING IDEK AND HE WILL PROBS READ THIS TOO. But we dated but he was to much of a wussy to ask me out. Anyway so we had attraction. We spent the first week of our dating? on FaceTime until one in the morning. One time i even watched the clock go from 2:00 to 1:00 because of daylight savings. However after that first week things kinda went downhill. He stopped responding, I kept texting him and i got really annoying. I have anxiety and i legit thought that he hated me and just didn’t have the heart to tell me he didn’t like me anymore. That wasn’t true. We tried to talk it out. he said he didn’t like me as much as he did in the beginning. And…. i still pretty much loved him. It was BS and now that i think of it he was a douch so its his problem cause I’m awesome. What probably hurt me the most though was the fact that two days, TWO GOD DAMN DAYS, he asked me if i would be okay with him dating one of my friends. GOD BLESS THIS CHILD because she said no because you just broke up with Kyla. He literally just went thats okay i like another person so its all good. Im still friends with him which is kinda bull because i still don’t know if i like him anymore or if i like this one girl or this other girl ( i would say their names or at least describe them by like oh best friends best friends friend stuff like that but they might read this sooo rather them not know.) Anyway after this i went really bad. But something good came out of it aswell. So he dated this girl and she went through something similar and we are now like best friends. He is extremely butt hurt over this and thinks that its all a joke but eh i could care less. But ya i have many relationship stories as I’m not one to stay tied down. Though i want to ugh WHY DOES NO ONE LOVE ME. anyway ya thanks for reading my rant and leave a comment if you’ve gone through something similar. PEACE!

use this munchkin cat as your happiness:)

 

ANIME!!!!!

Ok so ima say this right now. I am not a full anime fan but enjoy it. I’ve watched three anime currently and i am halfway through another one. So I’m new and I’m pretty happy with what there is to offer. I have currently watched your lie in april, Ouran high school host club, the first season of Free! ( okay so I’ve watched like two full through) and then i’m like halfway finished with Yuri on ice.

So i think for this i’m just gonna kind of say which ones i recommend or which i plan on watching once i’ve found a good anime streaming site.

OK first i would for sure recommend is Ouran High School Host Club. Its about a girl named haruhi. She accidentally breaks something that is the Host clubs and the guys who run it say she can make it up by working for the host club. Except they think that the she is a he. Its really interesting as all the characters have extremely different personalitys and the animators show it greatly.

Ok pretty much in the exact same spot is Your lie in april. It is this story about a youngish boy named kosei arima. He is this huge prodigy for is piano playing who has the nickname “the human metronome”. However when his mother passes he stops playing his piano and forgets about it falling into a deep depression whenever he tries. However he meets another character named kaori miyazono. She inspires him to continue playing. Its a heart warming story and i might’ve cried at the end or maybe not nobody shall know. All in all it was my first anime and i’m pretty proud of that.

OK so now we have Free!. All sports anime is said to be extremely good so maybe watching this or something like this is probably a good idea for your first time. Ok so free! is about a boy named haruka. He loves swimming but his school doesn’t have a team or anything remotely close to one. Haruka and his two friends makoto and nagisa ask one of the teachers to help them refurbish the school pool and get them prepared to compete. Its just light hearted anime with a pretty interesting storyline. There is a second season but i have not been able to watch it just yet so ill probably update that soon.

Ok last but probably my favorite anime at the moment is Yuri on ice. This is kinda free! just with ice skating. Its really good and it very new like a new episode is being released like tomorrow or something. Fair warning though, THIS ANIME IS EXTREMELY GAY! ok you’ve been warned

so thats the anime i really like. I’m busy trying to get crunchyroll which is an anime streaming site that is quite popular nowadays but for right now i’ve been watching whats on netflix and just searching it until i find it.

So i want to know what people think

 

OK well bye i guess:)

 

 

(those are all the animes)